i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
