my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
