wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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