So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
