my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
