HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You were trust falling into bushes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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