the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
