Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
