Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize