hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
