the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
