Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
