when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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