you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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