these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
