shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
