Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
