I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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