I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
