so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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