Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize