roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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