he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
