considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
