uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
