i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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