foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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