the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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