im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
