they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
