You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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