So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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