i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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