At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
