If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
