and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
