I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize