She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
