You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
