He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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