I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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