singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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