last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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