I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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