you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
