Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
