He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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