thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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