You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
