he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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