The maid of honor just puked.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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