so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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