Can i not drive my cunt home
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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