Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm passing your future prison.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
