I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
