We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize