So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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