Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
