Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
