she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
