Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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