I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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