At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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