it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
