doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
a search helicopter?!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize