Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
