guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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