you guys were way drunker than both of me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
