so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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