ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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