Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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