everyone is single if you try hard enough
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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