so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
